selena sprout

I have no idea what title I will have for this post, having been thinking about writing something for a while but still not in the 100% mood of writing. As usual, thinking by pictures/ images, always takes a longer time for me to process how to put things inside a picture and write it down now. It was not me in the past, who had a huge sense of some sort of emotions and let it flow though my hands and my words. Do I enjoy this new personality? Yes, I am really into it. But when you read these lines, you saw the title already, yes, it always comes later.

So, I am here, trying to grasp some thoughts I would pour down here and share with anyone who might want to read.

(0) weather in Ireland

(1) the newest joy I experience and how I always have “hope”

(2) give things time, learn and read more books, finally I found something sparking my heart, all keywords

yes, also mention about some books (hiuhiu)

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(0) weather in Ireland

A morning after the full moon in August arrived, a time of transition, the streets and leaves glisten after the rain happens in the early morning or last night. The nuance of change; the air changed, the weather changed, the trees and flowers changed, calmly, autumn is outside. Very soon, Dublin is at its crisp and (most of the time) damp autumn with tiny piles of colorful leaves on the pavement. In other words, my third year in Ireland is coming.

What I truly feel is I just lived here for around 1 year. Last year, I was here but did not feel that I lived here. Leaving the school schedule and assignments behind, this year allows me to blend into the Irish society and culture on a deeper level, manage my life with my income without the generous support from the Irish government scholarship. And, I see how I changed. My English accent changed, my small talk or communication style changed, again, I celebrate all of them, I give my body cells credit, rather than feel that I worry that I will lost my “Vietnamese” heritage inside me. And, I write in English more. Not only do I love the English language, but I love myself – a new person – in the English language. I want to express myself immensely in the language I love and learn them inexorably from my whole heart. This language brings me here where I open my arms to hug tightly, where I learn to say beautiful wishes to my multi-cultural friends, where I learn how to cook beautiful dishes, and where I witness my “mature” image.

(1) the newest joy I experience and how I always have “hope”

Last week, STAND invited me to a small internal workshop where they hope to get some feedback on a new framework based on the Critical Global Citizenship Education framework. Just a small group, everyone paid their whole attention to discuss and share their critical ideas. I felt excited and pure joy while sharing my thoughts and listening to all other opinions. Everytime I have a chance to connect with STAND people, I feel belonging. I am in a community, where I always wish, people is open with the discomfort they have with things are not familiar with them from others, where people bravely share their unique but “universal” stories, where beautiful values and universal needs is put on the table as a compass to connect and imagine a better future, together.

All those things nourish “hope” inside me…more more than 10 years since I am really into community activities and advocate for a new movement on the way we live and connect and govern and work etc in “quiet way”, all values I learn, here, inside me and I carry all of them to everywhere I go to, everyone I (will) meet. These values show me the path to go and connect deeply and feel wholeness.

(2) give things time, learn and read more books, finally I found something sparking my heart, all keywords

This month marked a dot into the first job journey I have in Ireland. I have been working in a new job almost 3 weeks so far. The way I think I can describe how I felt is…a long exhale. As a newcomer, I already know this moment will happen one day. When I think deeply and openly, it is not only in Ireland, even in Vietnam, I always ponder what exactly I need and pursue.

giving things time

I am still learning some online courses. I gave up the Database course and will come back to learn them next month. I am learning a bit of web design language with a big hope that I will play and design my blog more…interesting. Learning those things so far is so difficult, but also fun, for such a long time I feel that way. I can not believe that I was a top student in high school where I was so good at Math. I just wanted to use other part of my brain.

my notes

What I really want to write down here is the moment of ideas. I did not hit upon something new, so far, I have been pondering and musing about my plan for months (I wrote it in my previous post), I wish I can share my note book here; figuring out how it looks like, it is a mess of a dozen of keywords and unfinished short sentences, big and small, black and blue ink, everywhere. I played with those keywords for months, crossing out them, circling them, drawing lines, etc and finding a way to connect them together. But, I do not recalibrate how I deal with it. I accept the comfort and discomfort feelings rising in me and acknowledge that it is a time-intensive task I assign for myself. Even, I left the note inside my cabinet for months without opening up to review, I feel stuck inside my mind and ask what it “that”. What I see only is the beauty of rumination in the human thinking process, lively. I put “joy” and some of my personal values in the middle of the notebook as a way of self-remindering.

I think that eventually my brain reached a point to show an answer to myself…(It happened a lot when I worked on my Master thesis last year, which give me strong evidence that all problem have answers). One of the keywords appear is “massgage”. I don’t label “career” or “job” or any sort of category words. But it holds and carries all other keywords I need. I want to learn and work as a massage therapist as a second career. Phew, finally, done one of keywords I have been looking for a while, and I still need more keywords, but at least, I found one of the most important keywords. I also do research and aim to enroll the course in South Dublin in the weekend …next year.

and my books

I read a fair of few books (again)

I reread “Eight Dates” and feel so grateful as my friend shared this book with me many years ago (I wrote about it). Finally, I met a person who I can read this book with and do “eight dates” together. If you are in a relationship, I highly recommend this book for your life-long intimate conversations with your partner.

I read “Questions that work, how to ask questions” which is well-written….. more than 20 years ago, but the value of it is still relevant and useful to me. The content is not new to me, but it is a very informative and beautiful book and again reaffirmed to me that many people shared the same thoughts with me. I picked up a lot of interesting questions.

and I read “The Myth of Normal”. I wrote a blog (but hid it) to state that I finished my healing journey. But then, this book and Gabor Math author is still here and I am curious to read it. I put it on the list of “wanting everyone to read those books” (I made it up, it does not exist though). I have not finished it yet. The feeling of discomfort emerges intensively during reading this book. I think anyone will need plenty of time to read the whole book. To me, trauma, this is a very important topic to face and learn and how we see each other on this Earth. I do believe that everyone who pays attention and cares for themselves means for everyone else.

and I read “Hateship, friendship, courtship, loveship”, but not much so maybe write about them later. I also want to read “Speak peace in a world of conflict: What you Say next will change your world”, although I use non-violent communication language but feel still like a newbie, still forget the lessons I learn, still hurt one I love and care, so I would love to read it again. Most people who chose Non-violent/ Compassionate communication as a key to connect with others share the same feeling. The framework is easy to understand but the way we practice it ….is very challenging.

and I downloaded some more but think that I will take time for it. Most of the time, I read more than one book which stayed with me long after that, so I switched over to another book.

I hope you enjoy my new free-writing style in English. In my next post, I will write about feminine energy as I believe it is a very important lesson I learn when I am in Ireland.

All pictures in this post were taken during my first road trip in Ireland.