selena sprout

If I were to provide a new framework proposal for a new “Six Dimensions of Wellness,” or sometimes “A Wheel of Life,”  I would draw two circles. In the inner one, I would put health (mental and physical), spirituality, family, and friends as the foundation, nurturing the outside circle, which is finance, occupancy/career, community, and environment. With more and more learning about myself, I realised that I have the power to create the outside world in which I live. I have the power to create what I want to see in the world more than I can imagine. 

Life is short. My mission is clear: Experiencing. It sounds like a strategic plan huh, but I believe that I help my body, my mind, and my… (all the unknown names)  to experience a beautiful life, embrace the scarcity of change, embrace the opportunities, and mitigate the threats and the sorrows with a strong mental toughness. I am a lifelong companion to myself. 

The most important thing I learn in Ireland every day is not coming from my school or Irish culture. Sometimes, I feel like I do not fit it there, my life attitude has changed from my inner world. How I face my scare and build my confidence, which I never seriously look after. A big part of a meaningful life that had been ignored for many many years, and  now has a chance to be visible. 

Recently, I have been so busy with all of the assignments and all the changes on both local and global scales. I was overwhelmed. Then, I came back to my inner peace, it clicked, reading. Reading—yes, all these stories I am writing now are all about my reading. If you have read my blog for ages, of course, it initially writes about books. But I am too fooled and falling into a trap of short information and a chaotic life now. Flip over my habit, now I pick it up again. I realise the beauty of reading, self-exploring, and the connection among us in this world.

1/ My traumatised childhood

I observe and understand my body cells, which I wish I had known when I was 12.

It’s very clear in my mind. I broke down, screamed out, and hated Northern Vietnamese culture. I hated my mom because she chose to move. I misunderstood what people were saying to each other, and I had to learn a lot of new vocabulary from the tiny things as well as how they were called different names in Northern Vietnam. I hated my aunt because she did not listen to my opinions. I believe that every aunt’s family member still remembers how I used to be in the past, how I hated northern Viet Nam food, how I felt bored and focused on studying all my spare time while missing my old friends and Highland Viet Nam. I pushed through it, dont know how it, deep down, left scars in my heart and my soul. 

And I am living in a country far away from my home. For the first time, I have been learning to love myself in transition.

I moved to Ireland without any expectations. But living (again) in another absolutely different living context, even outside Vietnam, I can learn how my little child had aggressive reactions in the past. I know how to embrace the change, not in my mind but in my body. I can see clearly how it slows down, and observing the change gradually is so important. But often ignored, and underestimated. There is always a gap in my cognition of the change in my mind and my body’s adaptability. 

I have more and more reasons to believe what I always love and appreciate: yoga. The power of the body and the discipline of the mind. I learn how to observe and listen to my body cells, how to slow down and connect to the change from the new food, new weather, and new living environment. There are so many incredible things. I missed many things to make life easier.  

And l love how my body and my brain cells inside physically mature, allowing me to understand all of these. To love every child, love every mom and dad, to respect human growth and development over time. 

The book I am reading and feel more connected with yoga:

Practical Ayurveda – Find out who you are and what you need to bring balance to your life

2/ My feminine energy in my body

Do you sometimes wonder if the great man is always a man? I wonder if a woman is so busy with her four phases of the menstrual cycle every month.

After I had overcome my re-traumatising experience, story 1, I started to observe that my body cells were changing to adapt to a new environment. I don’t prefer “culture shock”, I think it is “body shock.” My body, body cell level, started to change and adapt to new foods, new routine, studying timeline, new weather, my English language skills, my career path, and… my period as well, in a new place. My single mom was exhausted after a long day of work; she never had enough time or knowledge to teach me about my body. I am grateful to have a chance to learn it now. 

I started to see my scars. I was deeply scarred and unconfident in many life circumstances. Why am I scared and worried? I don’t know. Why does the gap in the unknown make me anxious? Why am I scared of interviews? Why am I unable to speak English clearly? 

I start to wonder if maybe I don’t know about my body. All I do is read and learn.

I did not love my body before, and I did not understand my body. Every day is a new day, calling me to learn more about myself. 

Books helped me in a way they always can: Knowledge source. And, more than that, the kind people I meet here in Ireland hold space allowing me to practice and learn in a carefree and warm welcoming atmosphere. 

How many people experience the thing I am experiencing now? How many people have the same questions and find the answers or solutions? Many people struggle with the same issues, and they write great books. I read it one by one, slowly.

I love and understand more about what happens every month and how unnecessary my thoughts are with normal signs of my body, on an in-depth level.

Book: Taking Charge your fertility

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“Some books are toolkits you take up to fix things, from the most practical to the most mysterious, from your house to your heart, or to make things, from cakes to ships. Some books are wings. Some are horses that run away with you. Some are parties to which you are invited, full of friends who are there even when you have no friends. In some books you meet one remarkable person; in others a whole group or even a culture. Some books are medicine, bitter but clarifying. Some books are puzzles, mazes, tangles, jungles. Some long books are journeys, and at the end you are not the same person you were at the beginning. Some are handheld lights you can shine on almost anything.”

“And I grew up to write books, as I’d hoped, so I know that each of them is a gift a writer made for strangers, a gift I’ve given a few times and received so many times, every day since I was six.

Rebecca Solnit”

Reading this blog, the quote really touches me. I would like to say thank you to all the authors and all the writers who presented the gift to me, a stranger. 

3/ My thesis

It was a day, several weeks ago, and I had a deadline for the methodology assignment the next day. I had not finished my writing, and I felt stuck on how to write some key parts related to the sampling method. I was tired of my non-stop thoughts in my head, searching online for papers and reading some e-books I had on my laptop, 100% having no clue. That day, the class ended earlier, and then I passed by the school library to read some books without any plan. 

I came home after that, and Brain was cooking. I told him, Brian, I am so stupid. I just realised that, or I knew, but a reminder for myself. There are many problems, but most of them are still the same in many, many years and in many, many lives among all of us. I found out that I didn’t know how to deal with my assignment in the library today. Just reading some good books. I grapes some, I opened it, I scanned the text and all of the things written on the paper. 

That is all. I came back to my room. I tried to read carefully the books I brought back and wrote. I submitted the paper on time.

4/ Into the Story podcast

I found the Into the Story podcast when I was listening to my favorite British podcaster, Michael. For about a month, every night, I listen to at least one podcast of Into the Story before sleeping. All stories have the same things in common. They told the audience the story of what happened to change their lives, how they survived the “dark night of the soul” or a crisis event they never forget, from different people (age, occupation, skin color, etc.) in the world. I read the podcast script as well to make sure I understand the story and learn some English phrasal verbs. It is not just English study, I suppose. The podcast is something I want to hear more about. It makes my life here in Ireland more beautiful.

I love all of this story and the pleasant voice of the podcaster. I see myself in all of their stories. I feel more connected with the whole. I am all ears, and I learn so much. The story gives me a sense of openness, encouragement, and companionship. 

The new episode is here if you want to listen to it. I love the story and how the guest speaker honestly shared that she was shaking while facing an examination. I’m always shaking like that.

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Four stories, and more—never one—because not only one, many stories combined the change. My daily joy is simple like that. I think this is a stable part of my characteristics, whatever I do or wherever I stay. I am addicted to finding the answers, learning from books and others’s stories, and making life more memorable and beautiful. I am happy because I have great friends who are always not bored when I am excited to share with them what I learn. I love how my inner child is still here, being a part of an adult. 

Trying to sink in something to learn is always hard, don’t let your body cells hold your feet. I remind myself that if I face something I don’t know, instead of feeling worried and nervous, stressed, and burning out trying to find the answer, I should open my mind and body, flow with the new thing, and grasp a book. Reading and understanding things I do not know. Reaching out to the people I love. Because I am a part of the life flow, pay it forward.   

Learning never ends with a dot of a book, but a dot starts a new sentence for more books.